Know thyself?

I'm having a lot of trouble choosing.

That's the simple line.

It's more than that, though, it's a lot about things like taking care of myself, of being ok with asking for what I want and saying what I don't want.

I just don't know where the boundaries are.

In fact, I am often unsure where MY boundaries are, and that speaks to the larger issue.

So in this specific case, I cannot decide what I want to do on a given evening. There are only so many hours in the day and week - how do I spend them? At the same time, there's part of me that is oddly resistant to the interests of a particular person. I find it can smother me at times... but is that the real issue?

And maybe what I am struggling with is how do I LEARN to detect when I am being honest with myself in a way that is clear and open and not disguised as something else?

If I don't want something, then I need to be OK with saying I don't want it. It's a flavor of no, to be sure. And since I don't ask a lot, then it gets sticky quicky for me. Don't ask means I may be prone to BEING asked more, and if I am unsure of what I want AND not sure about saying yes or no, it fast becomes a morass. Then I start to try and piece it together, to make amends, to "perform" so that I won't be subject to disapproval and/or recriminations.

So I am still stuck. Is this boundary stuff? No stuff? Disapproval stuff? Do I feel better, do myself a favor, by saying "no"? Or "yes"?