camp highlights

Guess this is on my mind.

Highlights:

Not one, but TWO good thumpings!
The first was from a totally gorgeous woman whom I actually ASKED after she mentioned her double. What a treat. I felt totally out of place on this - me? Get what I ask for? From someone FAR more versed in this? Why not the "go fuck yerself" reply? No idea. But it was really nice. I regretted being as tired as I was, and having to make myself go to bed and sleep to teach the next day, cuz I would have kept right on. (I my get brave and try and co-cabin with this group next year...they are all pretty goddamm hot).

the second a spontaneous invite from my mentor MC. It too was good. She asked me - postscript - "describe your emotions". That will take some work. Feelings? Easy. Emotions? Hmmm. But man, that was one BIG cock I took in, ALL the way in. And I think the screaming and smashing my hand against the floor (all with an audience I guess) was as close as I have ever come to really truly letting it go. And clearly done with both MC (very experienced) and the other woman who is totally experienced. I am in her league???

A totally hot guy
I really REALLY wanted to fuck him. But I had no way to ask. No way to push past the little me and say "Man, you are hot." A lesson somewhere I think. I did get a good intro to him via a class - I just wanted that to keep going and then to do more. What I wimp I am. SO now I am planning somehow to do something with movement next year - I have this piece of music - I burn with this it almost scares me - and I am hoping beyond hope he will be up there on stage doing this with me. Scary.

A totally hot girl.
I mean seriously. She has been to all the camps I have been to. She led some amazing sessions. And she is so totally beyond my league. Another lesson, I think: SPEAK UP you wimp! But I can't, at least not for her. Crap. I even tried tossing hints around to others hoping there'd be this Cap'n J Smith thing - what a dork. But I guess I can imagine it.

Good classes.
I taught good sessions. All of them were good. And the thing I really like is the stories that emerge - they are so amazing. So many people hurt so much. How can that be? But they do. And I really do think a few people got something deep and useful and meaningful from them all. That's all it takes. And in at least one case, I know that the person said he got a lot from it. And that showed by the really good, connecting conversations he and I had. That alone is worth it all for me. If I can't bring anything to anyone, I shouldn't be there.

First (and second) flogging.
A truly cathartic release. I wanted it HARD. And she delivered. First time - that was good. No permanent marks. I felt that tingle for 24 hours. And the second was as good, in as much as it happened while I was being fucked AND sucked - can't complain there.

Strap-on.
Me wierdo. Yes, I DO like USING a strap on. A guy? What is THAT about? Fuck em if they can't take a joke. Yes, I did get to use it. Both dills too. And, she asked me (Ok, I had to direct that invite to the strap on...). That was one sweat session. I mean really pounding. And the odd part is she was a sub - I did not quite appreciate that at the outset, so it got interesting when she asked for the real bits and I said no, I really liked it like this. Well, so did she. And we really had at it. Nice.

Self.
I wore what I wanted, when I wanted. This was a really nice part of being here again - the real me (well, the one others see and certainly one I feel a lot of) out on display and no one gave a shit. Nice. and it let me connect with that well. A bummer there was no really nice environs to shave - such a charge there. It is camp after all, but still.

Breath.
A remarkable catharsis in the session on the fire breath orgasm. I noticed an hour later - no back pain! What a gift. I have the instrucciones, will use THAT again.

And similarly, the Sex Magic time. That uncanny connection between lower back and "lack". It fits., like a glove (or a condom!). But what precisely do I lack? It is easy to slide downhill into "looks" or "talent" (sex talent) or "self confidence". But is it so simple? I think I have processed this one the most.

Kanga.
(A pseudonym). Shit. I am really going to miss him a LOT. His rotation is done. He was clearly a key part of my first camp. It sucks he is going so far away. Not fair. Can I plot to get to DC and visit? Odd - we connect at a certain level. But no sex. Huh? I'd like to play with him and his wife - but again.... Eeyore wins. Shit that he is gone. I saw him as a doorway (although I was sorely disappointed that the one wish I thought would happen did not!)

Song heart.
Powerful re-meeting with last year's grief (thx to HB for that observation). I knew it might happen. Had really nice picking times on the porch, esp b4 camp filled up. (Let's face it, a really REALLY good picking time is MUCH better than sex!) But it was a surprise when it arrived. I knew I was overtired. I thought to myself I should NOT sing this. But I did. And that sweet fellow S was sitting quietly and listening. And I totally lost it on verse 3 - started wailing and crying and decided "fuck the drama ban. I NEED to let this out, esp HERE". So I did. S listened. I really expected 2 things to happen: that he would get up and walk away. That someone from my "friendly" cabin (hah!) would come out and TELL me "Get a life Drama asshole". (I think my cabin was empty). S was REALLY nice. I dumped it all out - and it felt good. I don't think this is over. But I think this went a long way to a resolution. Then I went on a whim to wrestle, b/c I knew I had a ton of internal energy.

Wrestling.
This was FUN. I surprised myself. I was a lot stronger than I thought I was! And it was totally fun nude wrestling with another hottie, esp when he had to submit :) I think if this had gone on, I would have fucked every guy there or been done by any willing woman standing there with a nice hard strap-on dick. It was grand... except it ended prematurely with an injury. I was devastated. Not ONLY was it over, but the one person I thought was totally a hunk, someone I really wanted to connect to (physically as well as mentally) was out of the running. Of course, the Stupid Nurturing Me (c)(tm) then assumed "That's it for him. I certainly can't burden him with some seduction request now. Go hide". I am hoping next year will work - nude olive oil wrestling - that has to be one of my oldest fantasies!

Ritual.
There she was. Shit, a fucking goddess. Off limits for me, for sure. A good ritual - she knows what to do. And I really did not expect to have a list. I knew WHAT it was (it was a who) but not how. The breath? So I found it at the last second, and burned it. I realize now how good that felt. And how it helps me REMEMBER to let that go.

Lowlights

Cabin.
MC is sweet. I love her, and really like her mentoring and patience. But her friends... they are TOTALLY weird. Cold. Why is that? I really do NOT think that was me at all. They just did not want anything to do with me. Well, in fairness, MC's friend was actually very pleasant, and even seemed to like my music. But those other 4? Man. I anticipated one, from the previous camps, but sheesh-o-rama. I need warm and fun and happy and friendly - EHHH. None of the above. Who made them so cold? How sad. So next year I will try and do this differently. I really want warm laughing fun people, not cold, angry withdrawn egos.

Food.
Sigh.

Weather.
Sigh.

Driving 9 hours.
Sigh.

My own fucked up self image.